Cold January mornings

I don't think I will survive in the icy USA or any other part of the world where there is snow. I think I'm going to freeze there to death. 

This morning, I found it difficult to get my ass out of bed. Reason: I was freezing underneath two blankets and a comforter. And it was only 22 degrees outside. My son knocked twice to wake me up. The third time he was already starting to nag. "Mama, late na ako! Bumangon na nga kayo dyan!" Kayo meant me, Patricia and Andrea. That was 6:15. He was already ready for school by 5:45. I grudgingly got up, bringing the two other "women" with me. The two did not want to take a bath. "Mama, malamig..." Me, I lingered in the bathroom, conditioned my mind that it is Monday today and I should not be late for the office. Maybe I lingered long enough. I was midway bathing when I heard the car go vrooom-vrooom!!! I hoped my husband comes back for me. Thankfully, he did.

Haiti earthquake

My heart and my prayers go to the people of Haiti. With the magnitude 7 earthquake that hit their country yesterday, many of them lost their homes, their properties, their families, their lives.

The pictures all over the Net say more than the printed words of the news. Port-au-Prince, Haiti's capital, lie in ruins.  Thousands died and thousands more are feared death beneath the concrete structures that have collapsed as search and rescue workers pile dead bodies on top of another. Corpses are being pulled out from underneath the rubble. People cry out for help to be rescued. Survivors grieve over lost families and friends. Rescue workers frantically search for survivors. 

Vewing the pictures was very depressing. Mabigat sa dibdib. It's never easy to lose the things you worked for and the people you love. I can never approximate the grief that the survivors feel.

May God who created everything take in heaven all those who died from the tremor  and place them by His side. May no earthquake of this magnitude nor lesser strike again in any part of the Earth. May the people of the world be unselfish in helping the Haitians rebuild their nation and their lives.

Postscript to the Maguindanao massacre

A small portion of Maguindanao, just a stone’s throw away from where the boundary of Cotabato City and Maguindanao lies, was my childhood playground. I wasn’t born there but my family lived there for more than a decade. It was there where I played patintero, taguan and tumbang preso with the neighborhood children. With them, I climbed aratiles trees, caught dragonfllies and picked gumamela for Flores de Mayo. During summer, we would venture near the bank of Rio Grande where several mango trees bore sweet, golden yellow fruits which we would devour to our hearts content. I walked everyday, from our house to my school which was about a kilometer away. But it never was tiring. I had friends who walked with me and we endlessly talked about crushes and proms and projects as we crossed Quirino Bridge. We would go to church every Sunday and attend religious processions. I never got scared of bombs or kidnappers. At that time, the bombs were in the boondocks of North Cotabato. Not in Maguindanao. Not in Cotabato City. Not anywhere near I lived.

And so that morning when I awoke to the news of the Maguindanao massacre, I cried. I cried because I could not believe that the place so dear to me and which gave me many happy memories has become a killing field. I cried because I could not comprehend why people kill to ensure their hold to power. I cried because the victims were innocent people, unaware of the fate that awaited them when they joined that convoy to the Comelec.

Fifty-eight people, mostly women, died. Shot at close-range. Mercilessly killed. Raped. Shot again when they showed any sign of life. Buried in waiting graves.

I cannot imagine the panic and the terror that they felt from the moment they were accosted to that fateful second their unforgiving killers riddled their bodies with bullets, the anguish of their families, and of the children left motherless because their mama happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time.

I hope that the victims will find justice, and I hope they find it fast.

I hope that the perpetrators and the masterminds will find it in their hearts to admit the crime and face the harshness of the law.

Most of all, I hope that peace will find its way once more to the rich and beautiful province of Maguindanao so that its children will once more be able to climb aratiles and mango trees, cross Quirino bridge and play around the neighborhood without fear of abduction and helplessly dying from high-powered guns of barbaric people.

Migraine

I have migraine. Had it since I was in my early 20s. Initially, it was infrequent and the pain was mild and highly tolerable. Slowly, it progressed to more frequent attacks. It came almost every two months, and the pain characteristic of migraine impeded me from doing my daily tasks. Then it just went away, did not visit me for a year or two.

I almost thought migraine can be "outgrown". But no, it cannot. Some four years ago, migraine became a constant unwelcome visitor. It came every month, with regular punctuality, a day or two before my monthly period.

Aside from my monthly period which triggers my monthly migraine, I have identified other triggers:

• chocolate - I really crave for this or anything sweet before a migraine attack
• cigarette smoke
• mint candies like mentos and snow bear, and most especially when I have them before taking any solid and real food
• some perfume scents, Polo Sport is one.
• car fresheners 
• lack of sleep
• bright lights
• skipping meals
• crowd (maybe the noise and the various "human"smell)
• junk food

I know when it is going to attack me. It is usually preceded by tummy disturbance. Either I am constipated or I have diarrhea. I always go to the restroom with increased frequency to pee. I crave for sweets. I get easily irritated. An hour or two before the full attack, I get an inexplicable feeling. Sometimes, I see flashes of light or black dots floating on air.

Then, the pain behind one of my eyes begin. Mild pain at the start, slowly intensifying until the entire one side of my temple is freakingly throbbing. It is so painful that I can't look down for fear that my eyeballs will fall off. I can't stand light. The slightest noise annoys me. I want complete darkness. I want complete silence, not even the cuckoo of the clock. The pain eases up a bit if I vomit, which I rarely do.

The intense pain lasts for the entire day. The residual pain lasts for two more days, including my abnormal tummy activity. By the time it completely subsides, I feel so washed up and wasted.

Only a migraine sufferer can understand another migraine sufferer. Yet I do not wish migraine to fall upon anybody just so he/she  can understand me. 


I have to credit my husband for keeping the kids busy downstairs and letting me have my piece of darkness and quiet in our bedroom whenever I get attacked, although sometimes I think he thinks I am merely over-acting.

Now, excuse me. I am beginning to see flashes of light. :(

After Ondoy

I have been in Metro Manila the past twenty years. I've been stuck in its horrendous traffic for hours, I've witnessed its worst road accidents, I've groped my way in the dark in its large-scale blackouts, I've waded through its waist-deep floods, I've seen it battered by typhoon one after the other, but I have never seen it the way it is now after Ondoy. A large part of the metro submerged in flood, many dying from drowning, cold and hunger, people on top of the roof for days waiting to be rescued, people on life vests and rubber boats, people swimming to dry land for dear life, cars floating, cars on top of another, shanties destroyed and uprooted - this metro is just one big total mess after Ondoy.

But after Ondoy comes a display of Filipino oneness- the rescue efforts by several groups, fund raising by different organizations, the mobilization of donations by ordinary citizens and netizens. It is very heartwarming to see people showing their care for people they don't even know or may never meet in their lifetime.

Ondoy may have destroyed our appliances and furniture, our houses and cars, our roads and bridges, but it was not able to destroy the strength and optimism that reside in every Filipino. I know the Philippines will rise after Ondoy. The best of Filipino surfaces after the worst tragedy. Stay strong, Pinoy!

Ten Random Things About Me

1. I was born in Mindoro, grew up in Cotabato, and am now settled in Bulacan.

2. I can't swim. Feeling ko, ang ikamamatay ko ay pagkalunod.

3. I don't drive. I mean, I don't know how to drive. Ilang beses nang nag-attempt ang asawa ko na turuan ako pero hindi ako natuto. Hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit kailangang mag-shift ng gear at kung kailan dapat i-shift. Saka mas masarap na ipinagda-drive kesa ikaw ang driver. Wish ko lang walang mangyaring emergency sa kahit saan man na maaring makapagsalba ako ng buhay kung marunong lang akong mag-drive.

4. I fear heights. Minsan, napilit ako at nagkalakas loob akong sumakay sa ferris wheel sa Enchanted Kingdom pero sa loob ng mga napakahabang minutong yun, nakapikit ang mga mata ko.

5. Wala akong credit card dahil ako ay isang impulsive shopper. Minsan akong nagka-credit card pero laging sagad sa credit limit at laging naghihingalo ang aking bulsa sa pagbabayad. Matapos akong isalba ng mister ko sa pang-haharass ng mga kolektor ng credit card, tinigilan ko na. Buhay pa naman ako hanggang ngayon. Pwede naman palang walang credit card sa buhay ko.

6. Kung meron akong isang bagay na pinagsisihan, iyon ay ang hindi ko pagsisimula ng maaga para marating ang mga dapat at posible kong marating.

7. Kaya kong mawala lahat sa akin - trabaho, pangarap, kaibigan, kayamanan (kung meron man ako nun), buhay ko - pero di ko kakayanin na mawala sa akin ang pamilya ko. Ayokong pinapanood si Jessica Soho sa Reunion sa Channel 11. Masyadong mabigat sa dibdib ang kwento ng mga magkakapamilyang nagkakahiwalay at kung saan-saan napupunta ang mga anak. Kapag may balita tungkol sa mga batang nire-reyp, pinapatay o pinagmamalupitan, sobrang affected ako.

8. I always tell the people I love that I love them and I love them so much. Baka kasi magsisisi ako na hindi ko man lang naipaalam sa kanila kung gaano ko sila kamahal.

9. Friendship for me is a sacred word. Kung kabatian lang kita, hindi ka pasok sa definition ko ng friend. Kung nakakausap lang kita dahil sa trabaho, hindi ka pasok sa definition ko ng friend. Kung minsan ay nakakasama kita sa gimik, hindi ibig sabihin nun friends na tayo. Kung malimit tayong magkausap para pagtsismisan ang buhay ng ibang tao, hindi ibig sabihin nun friends tayo. Mas malalim dun ang definition ko ng friend at napakakonti lang ng nagka-qualify. Kaya nung minsang nasaktan ako ng isang tao na itinuring kong friend, sobrang sakit. Hanggang ngayon, ramdam ko pa rin ang sakit kahit pitong taon na ang nakakalipas.

10. Hindi ako naniniwala na true love is love without any condition. Divine love yun. The last time I checked, tao pa rin naman ako kaya ok lang sigurong magmahal na may kondisyon. At malinaw ang kondisyon ko sa asawa ko: mahal kita pero dapat ako lang. Kung meron ka pang iba, mamili ka: ako o siya. So far, after 14 years, kami pa rin naman ang magkasama. Alin sa tatlo - wala syang iba, o meron pero ako ang pinili nya o di ko pa alam na meron syang iba kaya di pa nya kelangang mamili. :D

Buhay ng Isang Ghostwriter

Mahirap maging ghostwriter. Kailangan mong mag-internalize ng husto at mag-isip kagaya ng pag-iisip ng taong ipinagsusulat mo. Madalas, kailangan mong titigan ng husto ang isang salita at pakaisipin kung gagamitin nya yun o hindi kung sya ang nagsusulat. Mas mahirap kung dalawa silang ipinagsusulat mo, magkatabi ang kanilang kolum at iisa lang ang tema na gusto nila pero magkasalungat ang kanilang paniniwala.

Minsan naman, kahit ilang oras ka nang nakatingala sa kisame, di mo masimulan ang isusulat mo kasi di mo feel ang gusto nilang maisulat o di kaya hindi mo makumbinsi ang puso mo sa gustong isulat ng isip mo. Kaya lang, binabayaran ka para magsulat sa pangalan nila kaya dapat kutsabahin mo ang butiki sa kisame para magkaroon ka ng isang magandang essay, speech, report, presentation at kung anu-ano pa.

Actually, kapag nasimulan na, madali na lang itong pahabain. Ang kasunod na problema, kung paano naman ito bibigyan ng isang maganda at makabuluhang ending. Kagaya ngayon, break muna ako sa pagsusulat para gawin ang blog na ito. Hindi ko kasi maisara ang isang article na ginagawa ko para sa kanya. Baka kailangang tigilan ko muna ang pagtitig sa kisame.

Oo nga pala, ako mismo ang nagsusulat para sa blog na ito. Wala po akong ghostwriter. :)